I got a lot from my grandmother. My height and build. My hands look like hers might have looked if she had not worked in a kitchen for many, many years, but instead worked at a desk and bought herself Bath & Body Works anti-bacterial moisturizing lotion (Midnight Pomegranate). I also have her tendency to look at the world - and myself - as something in urgent and perpetual need of improvement.
But perhaps the greatest lesson my grandmother taught me was her keen talent for passive aggression.
I've decided to share those lessons with you, here, on Fridays. You don't have to thank me. No, really, I just type this stuff because I like the sound of my calloused, aching fingers pounding the keyboard. Don't mind me.
~~~~~~
How to Get What You Want Without Ever Asking. Ever.
There are two ways to get what you want from other people.
The first way is to examine your own needs through a process of honest reflection, then identify the most logical person to ask for assistance. Then ask.
Simple, right?
Yeah - simple and boring. Why take a short boring trip when you could take the scenic route?
When Stormy wanted a ride to the grocery store or church or Galveston, Texas, to visit her sister, do you think she just went up and asked someone?
You know she didn't.
If she wanted to go to the grocery store, she'd call and invite you to the Pizza Hut buffet for lunch (her treat!). When you were drowsy and weak from all that cheese pizza and iceberg lettuce laced with Thousand Island dressing, she would look out the window somewhat wistfully.
"I think I'm low on bread..."
Her voice would lift slightly at the end, more subtle than a question mark, more hopeful than a period. It would flutter there in front of you like a butterfly gliding on her breath.
"Would you like me to take you to the store?"
"Oh no. You have to get home."
"No I don't. I can take you to the store."
"I'll probably just get a taxi or take the bus."
"I can take you. It's on the way home."
"Maybe Miss Marguerite's granddaughter can take me the next time she comes to church with us."
"Or I could take you now."
"I'm just afraid I'm going to run out of things, is all. But maybe I can walk if I need to."
"It's five miles from your house. Why don't you let me take you now?"
"Or if it's just bread, I can walk up to the little corner store. The one where that drug dealer got shot."
"PLEASE WOMAN, LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE GODDAM A&P!"
"Only if it will make you happy."
Note the way Stormy managed not only to get what she wanted without asking, but she actually got the other person to beg for permission to do the favor. That's brilliance, my friends. It doesn't happen overnight, but with lots of practice, you can be there, too.
Comments