Outside the Tastee Freeze

I'm sitting up at 2:30 a.m. in Thor and Lila's guest room in Boston. Buttercup is asleep next to me, although it is a rather precarious sleep.

Always prone to waking up crying, she had an especially long jag tonight about an hour after falling asleep. And then, just as her spine-wrenching, inconsolable night terror screams (Why, Hello upstairs neighbors. No, we're not killing a child down here. Why do you ask?) softened and eased into a low hum of droning cries, I decided it was a fine time to begin my own crying jag.

The best part of this story? It was my second crying jag of the day.

I picked the wrong week to quit huffing craft paint.

The details of the day are more likely to bore you to tears than to move you to them. But it all boils down to my not being particularly good at being either a grown up or a mother today.

"Kwitcher cryin', baby, Mama's gotta get her cell phone service turnt back on!"

I'll cut myself a modicum of slack because once again we have managed to heap upon ourselves as many life-changing stressors as we can things are pretty hectic right now.

But that just doesn't excuse that fact that I have melted down twice in one day just because I was faced with a few little (see how I'm not saying "endless stream of") frustrations. And in the very middle of both of my meltdowns, I closed my eyes and could see clearly this awful Mommy all crying and frustrated, and it made me cry all the harder to have been so far from the mark of the person I want to be.

Toss on top of that sundae the fact that I have switched from one antidepressant* to another this week, and maybe I should be glad I only gave in to self-pitying/loathing tears twice today.

But hey, there's always tomorrow.

*I read me a few online journals, and I can't count the number of times I've read people describing their experience with antidepressants. That shit should come with a warning label: Side effects may include blogging.

And instead of continuing to wallow in my own Kleenexes, I'm going to wallow in my incredible success.

Amalah of Mom's Daily Dose over at ClubMom awarded me this week the John Cougar Mellencamp Hurts So Good Blog Award of Excellence. Moreover, she and others said some incredibly nice things about me and my under-appreciated efforts here on the Innernets.

(That work stands in stark contrast, of course, to all other facets my decidedly over-appreciated contributions to the world at large.)

Thank you Amy for being so kind. Thank you Moreena for saying nice things, including that I am (oh, how I am laughing) inspirational. And thank you to everyone who has visited here as a result. It's lovely to hear from all of you, and even more lovely to find your sites.

And in the true spirit of the Hurts So Good award, I promise to post more frequently, change my name a lot and do something to help the farmers.

Or maybe I'll just put on some chaps and dance on the tables at the local diner.

Comments

[Bihari]

Me for the chaps.

Found you through the Hurts So Good award, and am so glad I did. Since, you know, I'd hate to be the only one out there weeping with frustration at both life and my inability to cope with same without weeping.

[Keri]

I also found you via the Hurts So Good honor. Bravo!!

I've giggled and outright guffawed at your posts. Your life is, like mine and millions of other moms, remarkably unremarkable and normal - and THAT is what makes your blog so interesting and fun to read.

Is Buttercup a pseudonym (sp?)? Is it a reference to the Princess Bride? (one of the all-time greatest movies period)

Kudos to you! Keep up your craft paint huffing!!! Is one brand better than another? ;)

[RachelS]

The comment about antidepressants causing blogging, cracked me up. That really should be listed with the side effects.

I think perhaps that I'll take up huffing craft paint.

[CPA Mom]

Found you thorough Amalah. I had no idea I was doing this all wrong - I was hoping blogging would TAKE THE PLACE of anti-depressants. Oh well. *sigh*.

Seriously, hang in there. Your site is wonderful and so are you. And keep huffing the paint.

[moreena]

I'm all ga-ga and silly over this. Bettie Bookish! Posting frequently! Frequently!

[Chmbnaut]

I love your blog. I found you through an internet surf when my favorite columnist moved away from the gulf coast! ;-) Now I get to read your writting a couple of times a week and you have introduced me to the Wonderful World of Blogging. As a mommy of four, there are days that I wonder why in the heck would God give me "thesewonderfulchildren" to screw up???? Thank you for articulating my emotions!!

[veronica]

I also found you through ClubMom. So glad I did. Your award is well-deserved.

[ppb]

I'm voting for the chaps.
With pictures.